Yup. I ate turkey yesterday. I must immediately add my disclaimer- It was a locally grown, humanely raised, all natural, gluten free turkey, but turkey nonetheless. After being meatless, but not fishless, for about five years, I ate a slice of turkey with my Thanksgiving dinner last night. This decision came with a lot of deliberation, but surprisingly, no guilt. As my loyal readers know, I was diagnosed with celiac disease a few months back. Since removing wheat from my diet, I have certainly found increased energy, better focus and concentration, and pure delight at not feeling sluggish and foggy all the time. Starting about a month ago, I confessed to my sister and that I’d been craving warm, slow cooked chicken or turkey. I don’t really know where it came from, but suddenly, my body wanted something that I hadn’t had in years, and I had never really missed. I began reflecting on my ‘pescatarianism’ and considering what eating some chicken or turkey would mean for me.
Years ago, I made the conscious choice not to eat meat for a few reasons.
1) I never really loved it anyway. As a child, when everyone else was excited to have steak, I wanted mac and cheese or spaghetti. Other than the Christmas Eve roast, I really never enjoyed red meat. Too chewy. Gross.
2) Ahimsa. This is a Sanskrit word, meaning non-violence, one of the pillars of a yoga practice. To me, all life forms are equal…yes, I really believe this, even though I get a lot of rolled eyes and such. Every life is sacred, and should be treated as such. I didn’t believe I needed other animal’s flesh in order to survive myself, so I decided to stop eating it.
3) The mass production of meat in this country. It is just gross. Absolutely disgusting. Whether or not you think all animals are created equal, anyone who has had a dog in his or her life knows animals have feelings. They feel sad, they feel pain, they feel loneliness, they feel joy, they feel fear, and they feel comfort, just to name a few emotions I see daily in my pup. Dogs want to be loved every bit as much as us two legged animals, the humans. And you’d better believe all animals feel emotion. Absolutely no doubt in my mind, and I truly don’t think I’m worth more, or better than any of these creatures. To return the the point here though, the conditions in which many of these animals are raised is truly atrocious. I simply do not know why anyone would want to consume something raised in its own feces, fed parts of its same species, not allowed to even see the sun during growth, injected with antibiotics, and then slaughtered inhumanely. Seriously. Think about it. What are you putting in your body?
Animals having feelings leads me to my first examination of my ‘vegetarianism.’ I still was eating fish. Last time I checked, fish was an animal, brain, heart, flesh, and all. I have been feeling rather restless about this aspect of my diet for some time now. How could I proclaim I wouldn’t eat chicken, yet I would eat the freshly caught Pacific Northwest salmon? It was seeming rather hypocritical to me, and I reached a point where I decided I would either cut out all seafood and fish, or I would consciously add some meat back into my diet and no longer classify myself as any sort of ‘atarian.’
I was still on the fence about this when my sister called me a couple weeks ago after reading Gluten Free Girl by Shauna James Ahern. (She also has been investigating all kinds of diets, allergies, and the like, as her one year old daughter has severe food allergies.) I missed her call, but picked up the voice mail minutes later. ”Hey- I just read this part of the Gluten Free book. She is talking about how after finally getting diagnosed with celiac disease, after being a vegetarian for years, she’s been craving meat, and decided to have some. She’d been malnourished for so long, her body finally wanted the protein and could handle it. Sounds kind of like what you were saying.” Hmmmm. I put that one into the consideration bank, but was not yet fully decided.
I’ve also become more and more intrigued by the Native American way of life. I’ve been reading about it, learning from it, and trying myself to remain more connected to the land, more in tune to my environment, and more thoughtful in each thought, word, and action. Once upon a time, all life truly was sacred. Native Americans hunted animals in order to survive, yet they had (have) the most beautiful relationship with that animal and it’s spirit. At one time, killing animals for meat was not inhumane, but rather an intricate dance with the mystery of nature, a weaving together of the vast array of species, all interdependent on one another. What if I could eat that chicken I craved with the same thoughtfulness? Would that be so bad?
And Thanksgiving arrived. As I drove through Seattle before we left, I saw the signs hanging from over passes “Thanksgiving is murder for turkeys.” True. It is. So many turkeys raised and killed just for our slobbery mouths to gobble up. I knew my sister (we spent Thanksgiving at her house) would not buy just any turkey. She’s a very thoughtful eater herself, so I knew it was going to be a nicely farmed, locally raised turkey. ”And gluten free!” she added. (Side note- some meat is not gluten free. It is injected with wheat to plump it up. WHAT? so dumb.) In the end, it was a last minute choice. I closed my eyes and asked my body what it craved. It wanted that slice of warm, moist, gluten free, free range, locally farmed turkey. Before eating it, I said a prayer of thanks over it. Yup, I did. One of my table-mates looked over, rolled his eyes, and announced to the table, “CChicken is saying a freaking prayer for the spirit of her turkey.” My brother laughed at me, my dad got a good chuckle, but I did it anyway. I had to…or I’d eat it with guilt. I was grateful for the animal that was about to provide some nutrition that my body apparently wanted. I ate it. And honestly, I really enjoyed it.
I have been reading Gluten Free Girl since I arrived here at my sister’s. I’m finding it absolutely fascinating. My body and mind and emotions have traveled, more or less, the same basic roller coaster she describes in her book. She talks about the strange attachments to certain foods, the lethargy of consuming what is actually poison to her body, the healing process, and yes, the return to meat. She makes a statement that I had come to envision for myself, and wholeheartedly agree with. When talking about never again having pizza, regular pasta and all those things, she also describes what a gift it has been for her to be forced to live without gluten. She has been pushed into trying all new foods, new grains, new recipes, and how at this point, every bite she takes, she wants it to be exquisite. So true. I no longer have the luxury of noshing on any old thing, tasteless or not. I have to work harder to make a meal work- but it is so worth it. I cannot describe it as eloquently as she does, but every bite is so much more magical, every bite so much more nourishing. It has been wonderful to read her book and relate so easily to her words. Learning to live gluten free does create freedom and new found wonders. Food takes on a new meaning; it becomes so much more than a bowl of crappy cereal.
And so, I find myself no longer a vegetarian. I will not eat any old meat, for certain. I am a strong believer in the locally grown, naturally sustainable movement, so I will only support my local farmers. I won’t be eating meat as a focal point of my diet, nor will I want it every day. I’m not even sure that I’ll ever have lamb again. Who knows? But when I find a locally raised, free range, gluten free, antibiotic free, feces free, “I had a happy life” chicken, I will simmer it with rosemary and make garlic mashed potatoes, sauteed kale, and have a gluten free chocolate cake with ice cream for dessert. And I will enjoy every last morsel without guilt. I have a sneaky suspicion that only those who are given the gift of a food allergy can think, write, and talk about food with such enthusiasm. Cooking and eating becomes an integral part of joy and meditation.
What a gift.
My hope is that with the rise of food allergies, the spotlight put on books such as Gluten Free Girl, and Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, people realize the unhealthy relationship we have with eating meat. We must change the way animals are raised, they way they are fed, and the way they are slaughtered, or we are going to find ourselves in quite a pickle. Whether we like it or not, species are interdependent, and we’d better start acting like it. My point here is as an avid yoga instructor and “I love all animals” human, I am not saying it’s all right to go out and chow down on a Big Mac. I know it is cheaper than nicely raised meat. If as a whole, we start only consuming meat grown naturally and humanely, farmers will be able to do more of it, and we will be a healthier species.
This post has turned into something other than what it was intended…I think it is time to sign off today, return another day for all my thoughts on sustainable farming and meat consumption.
Anyway…my turkey was good. And I think I’ll be eating more later.
